Sometimes I forget what its like to give it everythingn I have. To press on when it hurts, to press on when I don’t think I have anything left, to keep striving when I don’t know how, toward a goal I can’t always see up ahead. Sometimes I get weary and weak, sometimes I don’t know where the next step will come from…but perservere I must. Then, at the end, when I am about to collapse of sheer joy I can look back and I might not remember the whole journey, but I will remember I that didn’t give up, that I didn’t become content or complacent, instead, that I attained the prize.
It may sound a lot like a race…a cross country race perhaps…but its not it. However, a xc race is an amazing metaphor for my relationship with Jesus. Sometimes I don’t know how to go to that next level with the Lord. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do. It feels like I am at my wits end, I don’t have anything left to give because I don’t know what I need to give. I don’t always know what I am striving for or what God has in store for me if I press on to attain what he is holding for me. But somehow, I must find a way to dig deeper. I cry out to the Lord to teach me how to seek Him, to teach me how to be a woman after His own heart, because if I don’t, if I become content it leads to complacency, and complacency leads to no growth and no growth leads to being ineffective for the Lord. I must press on, when I don’t have the words to say, I ask for words, and when I run out of those words and I don’t have a clue how I am going to dig any deeper I just sit in silence, listening for his voice. I sit speechless, in awe of who He is and what He has done, and I press on. I wait on Him, I petition Him for more..and then, when I reach the next level, I look back. I don’t know how I got there, but I know the feeling of pressing in, through the crowd of life.
Lord, teach me to seek you. Teach me what it is to passionately pursue you as a lover persues her beloved. Take me to that secret place Lord where I can be with you and you can make me like you. Let me touch the hem of your garment Lord, let your tears fall upon my heart that I may have your compassion. Let you heartbeat be the rhythm of my very being, my life and my ministry. Let your words be constantly on my lips, teach me to dig into your word. Teach me to cherish my times with you. Teach me to be still before you Father. Let my hands be your vessels, your representatives here on earth to serve others with a humble heart and a willing spirit. Lord Jesus, let me see others as you see them. Let me value others and you cherish them. May your conviction be on my heart and may I walk in obedience to you Lord Jesus. Send your consuming fire to burn away the chaff from my life and to light my heart ablaze. Rain down with your power on my life Lord God; send your Spirit upon me God. Let my thoughts be pure and pleasing to you. Let my speech be full of grace and let my actions be upright before you Oh Lord. I want to go deeper. Teach me not just to wade, not just to swim, but to dive headfirst into your river. Take me deeper my God.