I love being able to work doing ministry. The day that I am fully funded on staff with InterVarsity will be a great day so I can be on campus and doing ministry full time I’m also looking forward to the day I don’t have to be at the gym at 6am for work! The past couple weeks have been rather busy. I’ve been able to get on campus for some of the New Student Outreach activities as well as for the first couple large groups. It’s been great getting to know the students on campus and I’m super excited for the small group I’ll be leading starting next week
The past few weeks I have felt pretty incapable and underqualified for ministry. I have so many weaknesses and sometimes wonder why God called me into ministry. I don’t doubt that he called me into ministry, but sometimes I question His judgement! Really…me?? I know that God has a plan; I just wonder what it could be at times. In the meantime I haven’t felt like “an oak of righteousness…for the display of his splendor” (Isaiah 61:3) – how do I display his splendor? I think I do a crummy job at displaying his splendor. I’m selfish, arrogant, lack self-confidence, judgmental…and sometimes just downright ugly. I’ve had a hard time the past week or two just being nice to some people…how can I expect to minister or display his glory when I’ve had some attitude problems? Then in verse 10 it says “He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorms his head like a priest, and as a bride adorms herself with her jewels.” God has adorned me with salvation and righteousness like a bride in jewels? I know what its like to be a bride and to want to look your best and the care that goes into finding the perfect jewelry, the perfect dress and so on. God takes that kind of care and more to adorn me with his righteousness…and let me tell you…I’m so not righteous on my own!
So back to this incapable…in light of all God has done to dress me up (from the inside out I might add)…I still feel really underqualified and just not very good at a lot of this. Which leads me to 2nd Corinthians 12:9…this is where it gets really good! “But he said to me ‘my greace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'” Stop and think about that…his power is made perfect in weakness. If I was good at everything on my own there wouldn’t really be a need for God to show up…there wouldn’t really be a need for me to depend on God. But I’m so not good at everything…that means His power can be revealed through my weakness. That’s when God shows up and does crazy awesome stuff…He needs me to be weak so I can depend on Him and let Him do what He wants to do! Pretty awesome I’d say…and it takes a lot of the pressure off! I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to depend on Jesus.
In other news…Dan destroyed a sauce pan of mine yesterday. He put it on the stove with water to boil, forgot about it, boiled all the water out and melted the bottom of the pan. Poor sauce pan. The funny thing is – its a copper bottom…the copper aparently has a higher melting point so it stayed in tact (started to peel and crack) but the stainless steel/aluminum core and inside seeped through the crack and detroyed the pot. That’s my husband for you! But I still love him!